Good morning. May the people you’ve oppressed for years not rise up and run you out of town today.
As I write this, Hosni Mubarak has officially stepped down. I haven’t seen people this excited since the Verizon iPhone announcement. Freedom at last! (source)
India and Pakistan have agreed to resume peace talks that had been suspended since 2008, and sources say they “have agreed to resume dialogue on all issues.” Progress has been made, but they’re still fighting about who will take out the kitty litter. (source)
Officials may mandate condom use on all porn films shot in Los Angeles. While you may or may not agree with this particular regulation, I think we can all agree on one thing: porn is NOT what it used to be.
Exhibit A:
Note the brilliant tan lines. I can’t imagine what it looks like when he takes off the banana hammock. Oh wait — I can. (source)
Fun fact: Valentine’s Day is celebrated in the US, Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France, Australia, Denmark, Italy and Japan. People from everywhere else in the world do not know how to love. There, I said it. (source)
Who does he think he is? On MySpace in 2001? Our tax money sculpts those guns.
New York representative Chris Lee resigned after his shirtless Craigslist ad was exposed publicly. Oh yeah, you should know that he’s married. Apparently, he listed an ad in the Unusually Dumb Men For Women section. (source)
Monks and nuns in Lithuania are upset over a beer ad that features a monk with a drink. It didn’t help that the drinks were 53% off, thanks to Groupon. (source)
An ex-con in Philadelphia has created a homemade, outdoor jail to deter kids in the neighborhood from criminal activities. It’s so realistic, the kids are showing up with cigarettes, smuggled cell phones and rope for his soap. (source)
The MPAA has warned Google that they will shut Google down if they continue to infringe on MPAA copyrights. You hear THAT, Google? A questionably-functioning group of people who judge films are going to take you out. Good luck with that. (source)
The group that’s really taking a hit in Egypt? KFC. This actually has nothing to do with the protests, it’s just Michelle Obama’s pet project. Isn’t that sweet? (source)
Today, Egypt started broadcasting Al Jazeera again after 10 days of banning it. You know what that means — get excited for news at 6, followed by the season premiere of “Wipeout.” (source)
Gayle King says that Oprah’s recently discovered half-sister Patricia won’t be getting any money. Gayle says that money will be going to the child that she and Oprah are raising together. (source)
In Ohio, a set of grandparents are being prosecuted for allegedly keeping their granddaughter locked in a bathroom for six years. Come on, who are we? Kentucky? (source)
In Ontario, a baseball field for disabled children will be named after a convicted sex offender. As you might expect, over 60% of the team’s offense will go unreported this season. (source)
In Mississippi, special license plates that honor one of the local leaders of the Ku Klux Klan are in the works. When she heard about it, Ann Coulter pointed out that she’s from New York, not Mississippi. (source)
An incredibly rare video of the first Super Bowl has been found in a Pennsylvania attic. Sources say the tape includes the historic Groupon ad that offers 72% off iron curtains at Bed, Bath, and Other Things Women Should Take Care Of Before I Get Home. (source)
And finally, a review from our Loglines film correspondent (NSFW):
Revolution’s over, back to work. More loglines tomorrow.
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